I should take FULL control.

I am not quite an adventurous person. One of the things that I really hate is the feeling of no control over something that I am involved in. This doesn't mean that I am trying to be bossy to others. For me, I like everything in my own world (fortunately and unfortunately not a very big one) to be, to some extent, under my control. You can imagine that I would be really pissed if I lost control of my own behavior.

As a result, for the years that I have lived, I have been practicing so hard to keep control of my own world. I won't stick my toe out of the line if I do not have some sort of idea about the consequence. After years of practice, I assume that I am pretty good at this. Although others suggest that I should let go a little from time to time, I find it hard because I know I would do stupid things if I did. Unfortunately, I found that I had tended to lose such control more frequently during the last couple of weeks. "Aha", I said to myself,"maybe I can try to 'let go' this time." Apparently I was wrong. Because I lessened the control over myself, I put myself in the most embarrassed moment since... Well, I really can't think of any more embarrassed moment than this one. I felt like and still feel like as the biggest idiot in the world.

Anyway, it seems to me that the impulsive "let-go" feeling can only bring me disasters. It may be too late to make up for the thing that has happened, but not too late to focusing more on FULL control over myself all the time. (It's hard, though.)