Sad news and other thoughts

I have been to this dance facility many times since last December. Most of the time, my attention was occupied by the movements of my own and of others on the dance floor. I barely talked to our DJ except for a quick "Hi"/nod/smile for greeting when he walked from his computer to get something to drink. My first and only time talking to him was last Friday.

Me: Excuse me. What is the name of the song that you are playing now?
DJ: It is called "Someone must feel like ..."
Me: Sorry, what was it?
DJ: Let me write it down for you. (He grabbed a pen and a piece of paper at hand and wrote down Someone must feel like a fool tonight", "Back Home Again", and "Kenny Rogers" for me. )
Me: Thanks. I really love this song. I'll try to find it.
DJ: You know what? These old songs are hard to find. I actually got the CD on ebay. If you can't find it, let me know next time and I'll make a copy for you. (;) *wink*)
Me: Wow, thanks a lot. I really appreciate it.

That was less than two minutes. Then I walked away and enjoyed my whole night of dance. (Actually we stayed a little late than we were supposed to, so the DJ had to *ask* us to leave.)

It is Friday today. As I still remember our conversation very well , I got an email around noon, saying that the dance place would be closed for the weekend because the DJ had passed away the night before due to a heart attack.

I was shocked, sitting in front of my computer, speechless. Although we only talked once, I have met him almost every other Friday for almost four months when I went out to dance. To me, we will always show up on Friday nights; we will always enjoy ourselves on the dance floor while he will be there, ALWAYS, playing one song, and then another, and then another, and then another... for us.

I am sure that you have had the same experience. Those *strangers* whom you meet on a regular basis or even everyday. They may be someone always standing next to you at the bus stop in the morning, someone always escorting kids at the same intersection on your way to work, or someone working at the CVS closest to your house ... It did hit me HARDER with the thought of how much uncertainty we will be handling in our life when I heard a sudden death of these *strangers* than a sudden death of a much more closely related person whom I had only met or talked to once in a while. I believe that's because that I am so used to having them as part (no matter how trivial that part is) of my daily life and thus I would take it for granted that they would be there, *always*.

Let the dead rest in peace and let us remind ourselves of, not just whine about, the uncertainty about our life so that we will understand better how to live our life so as to leave less regret.

Finally, I will post the song again, to Ed.

Tuesday night magic

My very first time that I felt like a MUCH SMALLER pumpkin when I was spinning around.

P.S. All the lovely songs are simply lovely songs until there is a memory tag attached to them. Like "L. O. V. E." by Nat King Cole.

Not sure why it is funny

"Arrestedcloud"??

Not sure where this nickname really came from and not sure why it sounds so funny to me.

HOWEVER, I did LMAO~~~ (Sorry) You gonna love internet..

"Someone must feel like a fool tonight"

(I finally remembered to ask the DJ about this song. It is "Someone must feel like a fool tonight" in the album "Back Home Again" by Kenny Rogers. A sweet ballad and a great dance song as well. Notice: sound will start around 0:00:05 in the video.)

Someone must feel like a fool tonight

knowing they let you go.

Someone is wishing they`ve done you right

regreting they hurt you so.

Now that you`re here in my loving arms.

Forget all your yesterdays.

Someone must feel like a fool tonight

For letting you slip away.

When I see the moon shining in your eyes

A feeling comes over me.

The warmth of your touch makes me realize

Just how lucky can I be.

Surely he knows and he`s sorry now

That he turned your love away.

Someone must feel like a fool tonight

Knowing you`re here to stay.

Something good may happen, occasionally.

My life sucked recently. However, something (as fabulous as an "unexpected visitor", I mean it in a very POSITIVE way) good happens, occasionally to make your life, er, suck less.

Guilty, doubled

I got a long-distance phone call from my mom last Friday night with sad news that my grandfather, the father of my mom, just passed away. My mom was hardly able to speak in the phone. I could only caught pieces of sentences in between her sobs. I tried to calm her down and comfort her while I was trying to recover from the shocking news. I guess that I went numb at that moment because I didn't cry, not that I was holding it, until the very end of the phone conversation of about forty minutes.


I felt guilty. As soon as I hung up the phone, I felt guilty b/c I, as the ONLY child in the family, could not be there with my mom during the hardest time for her since my dad passed away. I know that she needs nothing more than a hug from me NOW, but I can't because I am so far away, separated by the Pacific, from her. I never feel myself as so HELPLESS.

While I was blaming myself for not being with my mom, all of a sudden, it occurred to me that my first feeling about the news had not been feeling sad about my grandfather's death. I was shocked though later I realized that it was not surprising given the kind of grandfather-grandchild relationship b/w us. My grandfather and I were never close at all in my whole life. I am not sure about him thoughts. For me, I just behaved as a well-behaved grandchild, visiting them regularly, helping with some housework during my visit, calling them regularly while I am abroad... Although this sounds cold-blooded, he is someone whom I care about simply because he is my mom's father. It was more about blood-bond than emotion-bond. In addition, my mom is a very filial daughter, I believe that I must have inherited part, if not all, of the virtue from her. Anyway, I didn't feel so sad about his death because we were never close enough, which ironically seems not too bad at this moment because I would feel less pain now.

I dwelt on this point for a while and felt overwhelmed with guilty, doubled guilty.

Mission accomplished.

Whatever...